On Friendship

So moving back to the area has been a whirlwind and things are starting (somewhat) to get into a pattern of things. My wife and I both have come to a realization that while we are "back" in one sense, it's not really true for the most part. We're living in a city adjoining where we used to live and we don't really know anyone. True, she's got some online contacts in the area and I'm getting to know people at work (sort of) but no real connections as of yet. There is some promise in the church we've been attending for two weeks now, but that all hangs in the balance as we consider our house search.

Having moved back and forth across the state, I've come to some realizations about friendships. Like many other things, you only get out of them what you put in; however, it would seem to me that not all friendships are created equal, or to put it differently, some friendships are valued more than others. Recently I have put out some contacts to folks (from various times in my life) but have not received much response. And looking back, I realized that in some cases I initiated most of the contact, yet with others, I did not probably do the work to maintain contact; could be they were too busy..who knows. But I wonder if, being human as we are, one side might value the friendship more than the other; subconsciously, if we are the side that does not value it as highly, we might be courteous and giving but then let it go or allow geography or life to excuse us out of it.

I say this only as an observation because I do not think we set out to do this to others, but we simply prioritize our social obligations; geography plus the pressures of life often make it very difficult to maintain a friendship with a former neighbor or co-worker (though having lived with my college roommate for four years, we manage to talk at least once a month).

Friendship is something slowly grown, maintained and kept like flowers in a garden; often we are casual with our "friendship," maintaining our real friendships as we would on Facebook. I have close to 400 "friends" many of whom are contacts I made throughout my life, but not really friends. Real friendship takes work and time that, I confess, I don't often have. Many might blame technology or the fast-paced nature of society and the world around us, but we shouldn't get off that easy. That excuse just covers up the heart of the matter--our selfishness. "It's my time and I can do with it what I want!" Or we take on friendships not for their own sakes but what it can do to advance us either socially or professionally. And yet we are surprised when an actor or famous person dies of an overdose or dies penniless; everyone "liked" that person, but no one truly knew him or her, not like a true friend would.

Value your friendships and be faithful to those who are put across your path; they might really need it, and you may find you need it too.