On Friendship

So moving back to the area has been a whirlwind and things are starting (somewhat) to get into a pattern of things. My wife and I both have come to a realization that while we are "back" in one sense, it's not really true for the most part. We're living in a city adjoining where we used to live and we don't really know anyone. True, she's got some online contacts in the area and I'm getting to know people at work (sort of) but no real connections as of yet. There is some promise in the church we've been attending for two weeks now, but that all hangs in the balance as we consider our house search.

Having moved back and forth across the state, I've come to some realizations about friendships. Like many other things, you only get out of them what you put in; however, it would seem to me that not all friendships are created equal, or to put it differently, some friendships are valued more than others. Recently I have put out some contacts to folks (from various times in my life) but have not received much response. And looking back, I realized that in some cases I initiated most of the contact, yet with others, I did not probably do the work to maintain contact; could be they were too busy..who knows. But I wonder if, being human as we are, one side might value the friendship more than the other; subconsciously, if we are the side that does not value it as highly, we might be courteous and giving but then let it go or allow geography or life to excuse us out of it.

I say this only as an observation because I do not think we set out to do this to others, but we simply prioritize our social obligations; geography plus the pressures of life often make it very difficult to maintain a friendship with a former neighbor or co-worker (though having lived with my college roommate for four years, we manage to talk at least once a month).

Friendship is something slowly grown, maintained and kept like flowers in a garden; often we are casual with our "friendship," maintaining our real friendships as we would on Facebook. I have close to 400 "friends" many of whom are contacts I made throughout my life, but not really friends. Real friendship takes work and time that, I confess, I don't often have. Many might blame technology or the fast-paced nature of society and the world around us, but we shouldn't get off that easy. That excuse just covers up the heart of the matter--our selfishness. "It's my time and I can do with it what I want!" Or we take on friendships not for their own sakes but what it can do to advance us either socially or professionally. And yet we are surprised when an actor or famous person dies of an overdose or dies penniless; everyone "liked" that person, but no one truly knew him or her, not like a true friend would.

Value your friendships and be faithful to those who are put across your path; they might really need it, and you may find you need it too.

So, Yeah, a Few Things Have Happened...

I haven't blogged in a few weeks, and quite a bit has happened. We finally finished the childbirth classes we were taking, had a baby shower (with several family members staying a day or so and then going) and I decided to paint my back deck.

The baby shower filled the crib with numerous gifts, all of which we are very thankful to have, though we do have some things still to get (car seat, chest, CAR!, etc.).

I painted my back deck and it went pretty well while I had my neighbor helping me, but when I got to the actual deck part (he had helped with all the railings and detail parts) and the steps, time constraints and the fact that had been weather and sun-beaten so bad made the end result, well, "spotty" to say the least (I may take some pictures to show my great "artwork.").

The cool thing is that a buddy of mine that lives near the Beach has a job interview here tomorrow and we'll be going to lunch. Should be fun.

(Oh and I can't forget the AMAZING dinner I had Sunday night with some friends we know from church--I ate a LOT of crab legs! I'm sure they were probably getting concerned I might turn into a crab! ha!)

Ringing in 2008

So I stayed up to watch the ball drop last night (and for those who watched ABC, it's a little tough watching Dick Clark, right? But I'm glad he's still plugging on). Then we watched the fireworks from our porch and that was pretty neat.

I always try to convince myself on the eve of a holiday that I have to work the next day. Why do I do this? Because subconsciously my body reacts differently--yesterday morning, not only because I had just gotten back from a road trip to WV but because I had to work, I would have slept until 9 or 9:30 (yes, that's REALLY sleeping in for me). However, I went to bed at about 12:30 this morning and woke up at 7. Phooey.

So I was awake this morning and thinking of the topic of resolutions and whether to make them, and I thought that often it is what expectations we put on ourselves and the type of help that we use to implement them that causes us to fall short.

Making resolutions in general is similar to choosing what diet to use--a person can look at their weight and state that they are going to cut out several things from their diet only to buckle under the pressure because they have tried to do too much too soon. There is also power in numbers--if you have even ONE person who can do it with you, it can make it seem easier since you've got a friend along in the fight.

I've often made mistakes resolving to make grand changes in my personal devotions. I have bought huge commentaries or books that will help me only to fall from that after days or even weeks.

So, with all of this in mind, I will commit (rather than a more grand "resolve") to moving towards certain goals. Resolutions tend to ask for drastic change (not that sometimes drastic change is never called for). I think that looking at making changes more in the way that our own sanctification works in our walk with Christ can lead to them being more lasting and effective.

But such an attitude must be reinforced by others--no man (or woman) is an island, as John Donne penned. We need each other every day. One price of increased individualism is increased loneliness, depression and despair--every one alive today has (or had) a mother and likely uncles/aunts, grandparents, siblings, but we choose to ignore our resources. Even at church, many check in for service and then run out the minute the service is over! The Church is not a gas station for you to fill up with spiritual fuel and head out on your week! It is a buffet of resources and spiritual nourishment designed by God to help us through this life--Christ guaranteed that we would suffer for His name and that this life would NOT be easy. Is He not faithful to provide the means to endure it?

With all that said, I commit to the following (and I fully hope that anyone who reads this blog would ask me how I am doing):

1. To study (not just read) the Bible for 20 minutes each day, finding a consistent time for this and for prayer.

2. To make a concentrated effort to exercise more consistently throughout the week, not just on the weekend.

3. To spend quality time with my wife once a week (that doesn't involve the TV!)

4. To read one book a month.

And that's it. To me, it doesn't do to have a long list of resolutions and it doesn't help me to make drastic changes that set me up for failure. Any Christian should want to read the Bible more than they did a year ago, if they are progressing along in their sanctification, but even they might not be as consistent in it as they will be in 10 years time. Discipline is practiced and developed, not instantly made. I pray that the Spirit will move upon my heart and give me guidance as I work these out on a daily basis and that most of all that these would all be filtered through a desire to glorify God most of all. For as John Piper has said, He is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.

Happy New Year to all. May God send His blessings upon you this year.

A Close "Call"

My wife, her brother and some church friends of mine went to see Caedmon's Call last night--when they came out onto the stage, two members (Cliff and Danielle) were noticeably missing. Andrew Osenga played a song or two, then revealed that just as they were about to get on the plane from Houston, Danielle went into labor and they couldn't make it for the show. So not only was Derek not on tour with them yet, but Cliff and Danielle was not there either. I was sort of bummed.

But I have to say that my wife and I have a new found respect for somewhat-newly acquired member Osenga (he has been with them for about 5 years since the Normals dissolved). We were both kind of disappointed when Derek left to do his own thing, and thought that Andrew wasn't a great replacement. But he surprised us as he really carried the show last night (he's a suprisingly funny and quick-witted guy), and stepped up--they brought a friend of Caedmon's from Houston to fill in for Danielle (Sarah?) and she did well. Josh Moore was AMAZING on piano, and the percussion stuff was fantastic. It wasn't the ideal that I was hoping for, but I had a great time. If anything, I hope that it shows Caedmon's that this area can produce a pretty good crowd so that they'll come back when they're full strength.

I look forward to seeing them in the spring.

Friendships

As a quick aside, I have been frustrated lately with folks I've tried to stay in contact with. I know that lives get busy and we have other pressing matters, but it seems to me that it is quite hard to gain or make a friendship, and so easy to maintain it.

I have been unable to regain contact over the last two years with several friends from high school and several friends from college--it is their choice, for sure--they have no obligation to email back or call, etc. With some in the city we used to live in (at the Beach), life has understandably gotten very busy, and I can understand that. In fact, even when I was younger, a strong acquaintance (we were not quite friends, but hung out at school quite a bit) moved to an adjacent city, only 10 miles a way, and I can't say that I ever called him or got together with him once he moved, and we lost touch--so I am by far innocent of such actions.

Perhaps too this frustration is heightened by the fact that since I am on the road a lot, I have the opportunity to use my cell to try to contact people (this is the reason that one law school buddy and I, who lives on the West Coast, keep in such good contact), and thus I have "time" to do this. However, it is more likely that since I have no real friends here in our new city that I am trying to keep in touch with old friends.

So other than a few law school buddies and my college roommate, I am at the point of giving up on trying to contact the others, especially when it seems that I need contact with them more than they do with me (maybe they are trying to tell me something?).

Who knows--I do know that in looking around, many folks in this world treat friendship too lightly.